Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Sa-a-a-d Movies (make me cry)

My expectations were not high. I mean, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" as a title would hardly lead you to anticipate a brilliant, witty, thought-provoking or intelligent film. But even I didn't expect the movie to be quite so bad. It was quite possibly THE WORST movie I have EVER seen (yes, makes Gattaca look like an Oscar winner). I'm just glad that it was a freebie and I didn't waste $13.50 to go see it.

Let me summarise the plot for you:

1. Set in the 70s. Group of 5 dope smokers driving in van back from Mexico. They stop to pick up freaked-out girl who loses the plot when they drive the wrong way, towards a small Texan town, and blows her brains out in the back of their van.

2. Group of 5 drive into town to try to find the sheriff and get rid of freaked-out girl's body. Psycho family consisting of psycho sheriff, psycho freak with a skin disease, psycho old guy with no legs, psycho woman who runs the local store, psycho mother with a baby and psycho little boy proceed to kill each of the 5 one by one and psycho with skin disease adds them to his collection of various body parts kept in his basement (he was tormented growing up, which justifies dismembering any random strangers he happens to come across).

The End.

There was nothing remotely funny, entertaining, scary or the slightest bit interesting about this movie. Just a lot of psycho freak running around revving a chainsaw. DO NOT GO TO SEE IT.

[If only I'd looked at first - 34% fresh - "A splatterfest remake that relentlessly assaults the senses and mind with no discernable redeeming social value." -- Lou Lumenick, NEW YORK POST]


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